....

picture

you know how sometimes... well most of the times... everything bad happens at once... and I kinda figured out that Febrary is my worst month... seems like in the past few years every bad thing happening happened in February...
and it's supposed to be a good month- my b-day and all...but I guess sometimes universe doesn't really give a shit what I think...
anyhow I need to learn to listen to myself...I keep forgetting that lately... but it's weird how everything bad that's about to happen I kinda know about it... it comes out as a known fact and not as a surprise... and I hate it sometimes...that everything I think just find it's way to happen...
does this make sense?
and all of my friends are sure my life will work out fine... this one friend wrote me the other day that she knows that my life will be good and that she doesn't worry for me cause I have (she says) this positive energy that wont let me fail...
and I don't know what to think...
I have so much doubt in my mind... I don't even know who I'm supposed to be... and they're all sure I'll be fine...
how can I be fine, when nothing I believe in works in this life... my best friend would probably say I should ''Practice what I preach'' but at the moment... I'm not sure I can preach...
I'm not turning into a negative person or whatsoever... people take too much positive energy away lately... maybe that's the problem... I let others hurt me...
It doesn't hurt when I bleed, but my memories... they eat me

Desiderata

I have first read this in Slovenian language...so I had to do some google search...;) to find this english version of it... I just love it.. and here it is for all of you... it's a text by an unknown author found in Old Saint Paul's Church in Baltimore in 1692.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

unconditional love

ya, I guess I had to learn it the hard way... but it's true... there is no unconditional love... it doesn't exist between a man and a woman - in a relationship... none what so ever... (ok, only in some rare cases...)
I am convinced now... there is love- the kind that gives you something... the kind you can be sure you can gain something from...
and there is no unconditional love in long distance relationships... well, in my case at least... actually no... I believe there is... but no one else does so it's kinda pointless to think that can work...if only one side is ready to do all that it takes...
anyhow... I'm posting a picture of my Bobi- little cactus... in some weird way it's growing... 2...
and yes, I realize this has no sense... just some words put out here... but so does nothing else right now....

patchwork

My first and only so far... I started making it years ago...but never really got to finish it... so today I decided it was about time I finish it... and here it is...my first patchwork... I love it...it's far from perfect...but it's made out of pieces of my favorite clothes -back from when I was a little child...so that makes it even more special for me...anyhow... I LOVE IT.

Saudade

I've heard this beautiful word on TV the other day... and it perfectly describes my feelings for the past (could even say) month....
Saudade (singular) pronounced [sawˈdadɨ] in European Portuguese and [sawˈdadʒi] or [sawˈdadi] in Brazilian Portuguese) is a Galician and Portuguese word for a feeling of longing for something that one is fond of, who is gone, but might return in a distant future. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might really never return.

(picture)

mosaic

I've made this one for a great friend of mine... for her b-day... it was my first ever mosaic... made with pieces of broken cups... but I love how it turned out... I just loved making it!!! :)
anyhow...I've been away for awhile-not writing anything... kinda wrapped up in some strange emotions... I don't know where I stand... but things will work out fine... I hope... they have to...

Postojna

Today, well ok, tonight I'll post some photos of my home town Postojna, I can't help it... despite all that's wrong here I love this little town... I love this place I live in, I love the fact my parents choose this location for my arrival... ;) and I can't help not to enjoy this beautiful nature that's right under our nose... so here it is... my home town... I took these pictures of sunset today...and other just the other day...on my walk ... I can't help it...if I take my camera with me it seems to last for hours before I get home... I guess my way of hiding, escaping, ... kinda even my freedom... anyhow... I have a lot on my mind... lots of thoughts... can't get used to seeing every single emotion in person's eyes...

I hate the world today...

I had in mind of posting the more known Meredith Brooks - Bitch... but I found this one... although I could go for some lines from Meredith's lyrics as well... like:

''I hate the world today You're so good to me I know but I can't change tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried You must have been relieved to see the softer side I can understand how you'd be so confused I don't envy you I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one

...
So take me as I am This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous and I'm going to extremes tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing

...
Just when you think you've got me figured out the season's already changing I think it's cool you do what you do and don't try to save me ''


Starfield - hate the world today

As much as it thrills me I wanna get off this ride For gravity holds me Yet grace calls me to Your side As much as I trust You Though I know that hope will come with time Injustice prevails And truth lags behind

Looking for beauty Searching for sense in all the pain A note of redemption A break in the clouds to stop the rain Can You hear me calling? Have You been listening to my cry? Cause I can't carry on If I don't find out why

I hate the world today But I love this life you have given
I hate the world today But I love you and I need you here

Though stuck in this moment Everything good still comes from you As much as I don't know
I'm trusting that you will carry me through Though thousands are falling Though comfort and peace are beyond reach I'll offer my heart I'll try to believe

It's pulling me to pieces In a fight for my soul These two worlds are waging war The falling of humanity And the truth that although I can't see with my eyes I'm still trying to believe


ow ya...the reason: it doesn't really matter... WORLD...this world... or better some people on this world and this whole package of moral, truth, lies, materialism... as usual... silly I know... but I can't help it...I must have been made for some different world... because some things you might consider meaningless I found so important... and some simple things tend to hurt me so much...

:)

I think all in all I lack a bit more knowledge about everything there is to know about computers and I'll be an official computer geek... I spend most of my day on the internet... it's crazy... learning about Joomla, getting myself books- tutorials on how to build a website... spending too much time on the computer...but I guess the weather is to blame... all this gray, dark, not defined weather makes me stay home, in a warm house and spend (lose) time on my computer... BUT... ;) I'll be smarter than I am... it's pretty amazing hanging around people who know a lot about this... so much to learn!! and yes I have an idea to make myself a homepage, my very own... :) well that's about it... I miss sun, I miss snow...anything that would bring some color into this gray scale ...

2008

so here it is... new year... new choices... new hope... but it's all like it used to be... it's still up to us to make this year better than the last... I had a great time for this new year night... day...days... ;) here are some pic. from it all... I wasn't home but in this quiet little town called Lovran, near Opatija, Croatia... it's the simple things in life... that make it all worth awhile...;) so enjoy and make this new year the best for yourselves...;) I'll sure do my best...

elf yourself

me - as ELF

hahaha...I had to!!! so, friends, readers...HAVE A GREAT HOLLIDAY and lots of laughs...;)

snow :)

I LOVE IT!! Snow... walking on the road... because no one is driving... or those who are, are very slow... so, here are photos of my crazy little cat Macha... I took her out today when it was snowing... she's amazing...that enthusiasm and look of greatness and admiration is just unbelievable... I was just talking about it to a great friend of mine the other day... were we also like this when we first saw snow? ... we must have been...
and some photos from tonight when I was going back home from work... there was this strong wind-so ya, photos are windy...;) and it's cold, like -4 degrees... but I love it!!! I love this feeling... real winter... snow... cold...

art?

yes here it is...some new stuff... I just made today... opinions, criticism welcome! :) apart from that I must say this college is getting ahead of me... everything is going so fast!!! (and confusing at times...but ok) and I'm hungry... waiting for food... :) and busting my head with these database stuff and mysql ... but I'm into this new year mood... although I kinda have a feeling I might run myself out by the time new year comes! :)

tonight..

you know how sometimes you get that feeling ... like every time you do something... it's always wrong... and you get that from the people you love... from the people who mean something - not something- everything! ...to you... I hate that feeling that I'm doing things wrong and everyone else is doing it right... I thought people who love you should stick with you... no matter what... do you really need to be told you're wrong by the people that love you? ...well ok... yes... but this is not the case here... it's like no matter what... they always question my way... like I should be doing it differently...
enough of that... I had a perfect little plan tonight... I get home from work- arround 10pm... go wash my hair - because it needs water badly... and than make myself an egg sandwich... (and yes I am aware of how not healthy or whatever that is... but I don't care) ...
I'll just go enjoy it... ;)

back home...

missing Split already, actually I miss the people there... I miss him... damn... I hate leaving... it would be great if you could go traveling without leaving someone behind... I hate that part of traveling... (ok I also hate the fact I gotta pack my stuff in this always too small backpack...- I'm a backpacker yes...but I always end up with too much stuff...)
anyhow I'm back to this madhouse- you could call my life... I need to get my priorities in order, need to figure out what I want and soon!! because this can't go on like this.... I guess new year could be a good excuse to change some stuff in life :)
ow ya... I just remembered I miss this great - amazing place my boyfriend took me while I was in Split- they just opened it for St. Nicholas day... it's a chocolate shop...they make their own chocolate...delicious!!!! definitely worth a visit and a buy... my favorite store there...beside this amazing interior design store- I forgot the name...they have the most amazing candles there!! and this other place also...it's called HOME SWEET HOME - wow!! :) I love it... I think my boyfriend was not so happy about taking me to the shopping mall after all (sorry love)

anyhow... when I got home it was snowing... they told me it was raining in Split after I left... it's funny but it always rains there when I leave...;) I had a great time there... I love it so much... and I miss you- yes, you... but we'll see each other soon, right? :)

work free

I got myself all wrapped up in 'work' again...trying to write a paper about how to organize your work and time...;) anyhow... all the material I found on the net...amazing...now just gotta get myself to reading books about it all...to get a feel of some theoretical part... ;)
but apart from that I'm enjoying my work free time... I'm in Split, Croatia at the moment having a great time... I can't complain... and the weather is good now... so, what can I say got a few more days to enjoy this peace, no pressure, no obligations... and than I'm back to my usual busy day...;)
But it's interesting how much stuff you learn while looking for some material about this paper-organization of work and time... at the end it all comes back to that- it's all in your head...how you make it to be...;) that's about it ... my brief report... enjoy!

the child in me...

the child in me is gasping for air... ya, I still feel like a child (and I'm not gonna change that, why should I...I'm getting older every year-that's a fact, but still I don't need to be some cranky grown up forgetting how it's like to be a child).... still need my naive way of thinking...still need to play...still need to have fun, to explore things...to admire world for all the great things my childish eyes see... and I hate it... I hate the materialism... I hate the fact it all goes around money... I hate the way I'm not allowed to be a child... the pure one... sometimes I feel just by doing some things like I'm a child doing what grown ups are meant to be doing... and it sucks...I am so naive in my foolish idealistic way of looking at this world... I need to grow up? ... there must be something wrong with me...why can't I just accept the fact that this world is like this... and it wont change...
but still some kinda stupidity, foolishness (ok, now my friend Ivo would tell me-as he always does...that and I quote: ''people with your kinda enthusiasm about life could never be a fool...'') makes you go on...makes you do the changes you feel you need to do... and still at the end you're the one being hurt... I need to breathe... I need my freedom... (I need to travel... to my favorite place on earth... and do nothing...just be...) ... you see some kinda pattern over the past few posts...ya...I've been home for too long... I need a change... but for now I'll just settle with making a cake for my brother...(it's his b-day tomorrow...and yes I believe in cakes for b-days...) and listening to the most depressing songs ever written- that always makes me feel good...

animals at play

I will just point you out to this link... it's amazing... a husky and a wild polar bear playing... check it out here

tired

tired ....big time... I got up today at 6.30am went to work, than got home around one, eat something, went to my other job at 2pm... got home around 8pm... so ya... a bit tired (I better not use some other words... tired seems polite enough..;)) but hey... blame on me... I chose this... maybe it's just a sleepy day... or the fact I didn't go to sleep till midnight or something... which leads me to another conclusion... man, I admire those who get up at dawn... work all day... and take care of the whole family... and barley make it through a month with one paycheck... and they don't moan or say how tired they are...respect...
and than you see some kids who have no respect for money, for anything for that matter... and you see those politicians fooling around with our lives... our money... and still they can't get enough.... what a sad place this world is becoming... wait... I gotta correct myself... what a sad place this world IS...
and ya... it's not all so bad... you still got hope, love, people who make you laugh... and other stuff to make yourself forget about the problems... ;) why bother with something you can't change, right... I may be in my ''toxic'' mood today... (the hell I am)
today I got another job offer, but 3 jobs would be impossible... not with this kinda schedule of mine... anyhow... why I even started writing about this... I was thinking today, to quit it all, and to find some other job... but than again...
me and my complex mind... I can't get myself in some kinda straight line... always gotta look aside... for something better...
ya, that's about it... enough with self-pity! ;)

snow

This is how my little town looks like today... woooohooooo!!! I love it... ideal winter day...;) can't help it ... I LOVE IT!! :)
Ow, and I wanted to get my cat to go out...- mission impossible..;) crazy little thing wont even think about it... so I brought her some snow inside...it was crazy... her first contact with snow...;)