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you know how sometimes... well most of the times... everything bad happens at once... and I kinda figured out that Febrary is my worst month... seems like in the past few years every bad thing happening happened in February...
and it's supposed to be a good month- my b-day and all...but I guess sometimes universe doesn't really give a shit what I think...
anyhow I need to learn to listen to myself...I keep forgetting that lately... but it's weird how everything bad that's about to happen I kinda know about it... it comes out as a known fact and not as a surprise... and I hate it sometimes...that everything I think just find it's way to happen...
does this make sense?
and all of my friends are sure my life will work out fine... this one friend wrote me the other day that she knows that my life will be good and that she doesn't worry for me cause I have (she says) this positive energy that wont let me fail...
and I don't know what to think...
I have so much doubt in my mind... I don't even know who I'm supposed to be... and they're all sure I'll be fine...
how can I be fine, when nothing I believe in works in this life... my best friend would probably say I should ''Practice what I preach'' but at the moment... I'm not sure I can preach...
I'm not turning into a negative person or whatsoever... people take too much positive energy away lately... maybe that's the problem... I let others hurt me...
It doesn't hurt when I bleed, but my memories... they eat me

Desiderata

I have first read this in Slovenian language...so I had to do some google search...;) to find this english version of it... I just love it.. and here it is for all of you... it's a text by an unknown author found in Old Saint Paul's Church in Baltimore in 1692.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.