enemy out of me...

it's easy...you stop talking to me and that's it...simple as that... I don't like, no wait, I absolutely do not appreciate people who are unable to communicate, who shut them selves up in their own private little world and don't love you enough to speak up... and for me that's as low as you can go... the ignorance, the silence... that's probably the worst thing you can do to me...
and the reason I'm writing all this ... I had a busy morning... got in contact with some completely impossible people, and than got home to be greeted by this ignorance from someone I love the most... just coz he doesn't want to admit he needs help... us humans are such a stupid creatures... and this is not the solitary case... this happend to me before from the person you least expect it... but that's life...all ups and downs... and as bad as I try to be optimistic, I seem to notice I'm failing at that more over the years...

night in

I am color... blind... in my dreams full of nothingness... what am I ...why am I... it's gotta be the 'weirdest' part of my life when I don't have a clue how or why or for what am I here for... it can't be you... you're not like this...this will pass...this is just a moment... this is just my life... the dream I have yet to be woken from... whatever... won't even make sense... won't even mean anything to you... why would it... how can you know... I don't even know...
beginning to understand my friend... this part of the year makes me depressive... and I wondered why... when there are so many nice things... it makes sense now...for now... for this second of sanity...

love love love...?

photo by
keep hearing people talk about love...maybe it's that time of the year, everyone is getting ready for winter, all so into that cuddly mood... or sth...
anyhow...let's say there's this guy... a friend... well considering the movie like scene how we met... hmm... there's gotta be sth about it.. not just this regular thing...you kinda run in to... no..this was special...had a thing... a moment... chemistry if you'd like... anyhow... he likes me... so he says... a lot even... and me... well...don't know.. don't have a clue what I want...
there are times when I would like him (someone actually) there next to me... there are times...lots of times when he can make me feel so much better with just a word or two... he's good with words... amazing... ow ya...did I mention younger? ...well ya... but in so many ways so much more mature than me...(well ok, I'm not some childish like spoiled brat...but still)
again I make no sense...and my girls... keep telling me to get him over here and start living with him... ow man...when did it all got so complicated and well... here we are again with life and the patterns it should run on...
do I fit in? can I handle this? do I wanna get into all this...running on track... maybe I like my sideways better...;)

I'm free.... free fallin...

got my moments... of weakness I guess... when I don't feel at all like myself... all cheered up...happy...smiling... got my mind messed up lately... with all the things I want...all the things that are happening... all the stuff that are said to me...
I know I'm not the only one... feeling this way... but still it feels like it... like I don't have anyone... none at all...

man...women...

got me thinking just today... how great it is to be a woman... to wear sexy clothes, to make guys crazy... LOL ;) can't help it...but it's just awesome to have that much "power" ...as well as it is a curse... coz just sometimes you might end up hurting someone you wouldn't wanna hurt...

anyhow...got in bit of a dilemma this time... just when I think my traveling went well (well in terms of me being a good girl, not doing my regular 'go with the flow' stupid things) I end up - well ok, maybe not that much 'I' but let say universe has a funny way at making my life interesting...
anyhow... the last day... actually last few hours on my way back from my 10 days of rest and joy... I ended up in this...
lets say a triangle... ;)

kinda got 'involved' with this one guy... my cousin's ex... ya... I know...but before I'm put on the guillotine ... nothing happened... just spend a lot of time talking with him...live, over the phone... live again...over the phone again.... anyhow...
turns out this guy likes me...(what's not to like lol) and I wonder what to do...if anything at all...

besides we're so different...and so alike at some stuff...it's scary...and he fits into so many things I want from a guy...yet fails in so many others....

who would know if this is "love"... or maybe just some guy at the right time saying the right stuff... or maybe just a little spice from this grand universe to remind me things aren't always as (now I don't know) simple (or complicated) as I might think they are...

anyhow... funny universe

future????

it's ridiculous how every single person you meet and talk to just keeps doing stuff and worries about their future... wtf!! ok, now there are two explanations:
1. it could be I'm just bitching because I haven't been abroad for over than 2 months now...or
2. I'm getting fed up with people only concerned about their future and forgetting to live

So let's say I'll go with the second one... are we such a stupid little creatures or is it really that only thing that matters the most is your future?! I hate that kinda running towards something that just might not even exist... and in the mean while we keep forgetting the one thing we're here for... TO LIVE OUR LIVES NOW... but who cares about now, when all that we worry is what kinda pension will we have, where will we live, what kinda car will we drive, what will our children do...
it seems absurd to worry about all that and neglect your friends, forget about your free time (what free time, right?!) ...

what is this world coming to?
btw.. if you haven't already... you absolutely MUST see a movie called
Mating habits of the earthbound human

blaaaah

gotta wright some words... to make me feel better...or something...not that I'm not well ...just so... I don't like how world is run on two separate points of view... I don't like... no, forget that...I disapprove how things are looked at from male and from female point of view...wtf!!!
and I'm disappointed at man...and their stupid excuses... and the way love is looked at... I hate the way people think sometimes... so bloody old fashioned and conservative... so damn wrong...
and yes I know... who am I to say that's wrong... oh bloody hell...

starway to heaven

Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

can't get this song out of my head... today we buried a dear friend... too young... but there's nothing we can do about it...
what a way to end a year... I think this was the worst ''going into a new year'' for us... for my brother, my family, his family, friends...

can't find the right words to say it all...