certain age

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when you come to my age (not so old, but even the fact that I can now actually say this line speaks for itself) finding a new love is bloody hard...
not because there isn't any (if, for a moment, we disregard the fact that everyone my age is either married, married with children, in a relationship or gay) but for the simple reason: YOURSELF
by now you already know what you can tolerate what you can't who you can live with and who you can't... you get picky (didn't consider that when you were younger and when you had a chance to be picky) and tired of same old bs pick-up lines and same ''wrong (read: little, not your type at all, silly) guys''

I in particular am a special kinda person... (now that sounds weird) but I am... I fall in love with someone and I can't imagine myself moving on to the next person so quickly...
my ex has no problem with that at all... the moment he got me out of his picture he found another person to fill my place... now...
this could be all different debate about how people need different means to get over somebody...but still...

don't a person you were with and whom you loved and cherished more than anyone deserve at least half a year (if not a year) to get over her? I would say so... so one can only assume this relationship was different for the both of us... I for once have gotten over him (still wondering if completely) after 2 years I think...and he - after a month? maybe not even that much... LONG STORY...(not really but let leave it to that)

it comes a day when all this reality gets to you, when all these 'perfect' people with their 'perfect' (*perfect: with partners, kids, job and a car)lives seem to get to you... seem to be like vultures flying on top of you waiting when you're going to slip and fall so they can get you into their little way of thinking...

do I want that? do I need that? why do I wish that? why do I feel I need that? why am I not like everyone else? why can I say no to a marriage? why do I love the one person that doesn't give a fuck about me?

when you get to my age all other seem to be more perfect for this life than I am. It feels like I am lost in some unique universe of my own and don't really want to come out. When you get out people love you for your way of thinking for your liberty, your freedom, your thoughts. When you are in nobody knows you nobody understands that little thing you call happiness...

Sick and tired of being back to basics. Back to baby steps. Back to finding out what love is. Back to first words. Back to first glimpse of love in each others eyes. Sick and tired of starting all over. When what I had was perfect enough for me.
So yes, I understand... one day you just freak out, marry the first person that comes along and pretend to be living a fairytale.

HAPPY END OR JUST LOSS OF PATIENCE AND WILL TO DEFY THE 'REAL LIFE'