keep calm

probably shouldn't write. so that's why it takes so long. keep thinking of you. again. and again. and again. and again. (right now my friend would kill me coz I still do) still can't understand. even now. when you are just some stranger (u choose to be) still can't comprehend. what happened. (now I lie)
the differences between us make no difference. in love. in hate - they do. in love nothing does. maybe hate is a bit harsh... maybe not. depends who's talking to you. I'm sure she'd agree. can't believe I don't like her coz you're being stupid. hate myself coz of that. hate myself for being the one that keeps thinking about all of this like it used to mean something.

it's a few things that bother me. that keep me getting to my knees. that keep putting me down. few little things wrapped in a golden package. trying to look good. behave now. if you can. if you must. you must. you need to. so people don't get hurt. who cares about hurt. who cares about people. who cares about you.

I gotta be out of my mind. still I feel perfectly fine.the differences between how people treat me and you. the differences. damn differences. love them and hate them at the same time.

just gotta get out of here.leave this place unpacked. leave no trace. make no difference. do nothing wrong. (pretty late for that now although...) listening to music. loosing my mind in that loud rhythm. the louder the better. so I can't hear my thoughts. it works for awhile. it works for that little period of time when I'm not me. when I'm not here. where I don't exit. I sees to be.

lonely day. despite the sun. despite the words. I'm good at words. growing to hate them. growing not to use them ever. not anymore. what good do they bring. what good do they do. meaningless and forgetful.