the child in me...

the child in me is gasping for air... ya, I still feel like a child (and I'm not gonna change that, why should I...I'm getting older every year-that's a fact, but still I don't need to be some cranky grown up forgetting how it's like to be a child).... still need my naive way of thinking...still need to play...still need to have fun, to explore things...to admire world for all the great things my childish eyes see... and I hate it... I hate the materialism... I hate the fact it all goes around money... I hate the way I'm not allowed to be a child... the pure one... sometimes I feel just by doing some things like I'm a child doing what grown ups are meant to be doing... and it sucks...I am so naive in my foolish idealistic way of looking at this world... I need to grow up? ... there must be something wrong with me...why can't I just accept the fact that this world is like this... and it wont change...
but still some kinda stupidity, foolishness (ok, now my friend Ivo would tell me-as he always does...that and I quote: ''people with your kinda enthusiasm about life could never be a fool...'') makes you go on...makes you do the changes you feel you need to do... and still at the end you're the one being hurt... I need to breathe... I need my freedom... (I need to travel... to my favorite place on earth... and do nothing...just be...) ... you see some kinda pattern over the past few posts...ya...I've been home for too long... I need a change... but for now I'll just settle with making a cake for my brother...(it's his b-day tomorrow...and yes I believe in cakes for b-days...) and listening to the most depressing songs ever written- that always makes me feel good...