my medicine

:) my medicine! yes, back home, spent an amazing 4 days in Bosnia, yes again Bosnia... I can't help it I love that country... love the way it can clear my mind, get me back in order, fill me up with energy... IT'S AMAZING...;)
can't wait to go there again... had so much fun with my family and with my crazy friends... spent amazing days with my little nice... beautiful little girl! :) got her hooked on my dog and now you can't get her away from it...;) my dog having 5 little puppies is one big plus point as well...;) I LOVED IT :)

I think about you a lot....

pic
I had a bad dream last night... a really bad one, someone tried to hurt me... so real... anyhow I woke up and first thing I could think of is writing an sms to a 'friend' of mine... ex bf actually... can't get myself away from thinking about him... seems like every little thing that happens to me, every little thing I feel...every little thing that cheers me up or puts me down I wanna share with him...
and I don't... it's just another stupid thing we people do... no wonder humans are so complicated...we can't even figure out ourselves and we wanna explore the world... and learn about it... I suck at this... I liked myself before... the quiet little thing, saving every little thought to her self...and than someone comes into your life and you learn to share your feelings, emotions, thoughts...
so many empty letters...and I can't seem to write down the right words.

"lately I can't seem to colour what we've lost...."

(picture)

lately it seems like every single thing I do or say is not good enough... sick of them letting their problems on me... tired of home... can't wait to go to my little piece of heaven on this planet... just gotta live through another week or so...
hope I last... I'll try to stay as quiet as I can... so it all passes me by...so I kinda vanish from their fears, problems, ...
and the weather isn't helping either...

we are perfect

(picture from this site)
I'm gonna write this post for a friend of mine... I ended up laughing my ass off tonight just by reading what my friend and I were talking about... anyhow what I wanna say... yes, my dear friend WE ARE PERFECT, perfect individuals who have some kinda clue what we don't wanna do... ya, still figuring out what we would love to do...but I'm sure we're not that far away from that...and if we are even better, life is about traveling, discovering, learning along the way ...;)
so, don't worry, we are perfect just the way we are... no sane person could ever be like this! and have so much fun... and so many down points and so many funny stories to tell... and I'm so glad I know you! :)

back from vacation..

ya, it's been 3 weeks now...sth like that since I'm back home... got used to it all again...;) it's ok... I didn't have so much time to adjust this year, coz I started working right away... but I'll live..;)
so how was it...amazing, beautiful, great, fun, no sleep, lots of Rakija and some great people, amazing animals... I just loved every second of it...;) ow, I always forget that... I was in Bosnia in a little village called Blatnica, than also in Teslic, Cecava, than in Serbia - Badovinci, Bogatic... it was some great vacation...and amazing wedding with one part of our family... around 300 people... ;) gonna put it like this: lots of kissing, hugging, singing, dancing, eating, enjoying and I would do it all again :)

roadtrip

so... I got myself a new haircut.. ;) still getting used to it... so far it's straight hair...I wonder how it'll look like when it's all curly... hahaha...
I gotta go to work a bit later, haven't packed anything yet... gonna do it later when I get home from work... it's a great sunny day... I got enough money to buy me a ticket for a bus to my destination...and some more, just in case...;)
I can't wait! and at the same time I would love to take everyone I love with me...I hate leaving them behind... but what can you do... everyone's gotta make their own choice...
my dad is having a job interview today! I hope it goes well!! :) I'm sure universe will help :)
ok, I'm out of here... have a great summer!! see ya

(pic. taken from this site)

it's been awhile...

since I've written anything... but there's not much to write about... some things are still the same, same old stupidity of mine... same old 'thinking too much'... you can't be someone you're not even though some people would expect you to change overnight...
I love late afternoons and riding a bike outside with my father... getting to know him better... getting to know what he used to do when he was a kid... I love that...
how little we know about our parents... and how easy it is to take people for granted...
photo taken from this site

summer

summer and this great smell of it in the air it makes me wanna move to the sea... ;) if life would be so simple right... (I will pretend it isn't)
anyhow hope tomorrow will be great weather so we can have a great day at the sea... I can't wait... sea and traveling makes me feel like a little child all over... so thrilled and excited of going somewhere -anywhere... ;)
my mind is on vacation, completely... ok, not completely -that would be impossible..but I'm getting there...I guess couple of weeks in Anglet, France would make wonders like it did once before...but hey... gotta live with what you got :)

(photo taken from this site)

vignettes

In accordance with the amendment of the Public Roads Act, approved by the National Assembly of the Republic of Slovenia end of April this year, use of vignettes is obligatory for all vehicles with the permissible maximum weight of 3,500 kg (the current first and second toll-rate category) on motorways and expressways in the Republic of Slovenia as of 1 July 2008. The toll-collection system with vignettes is being introduced with the aim of improving traffic flow and reducing emissions to the environment.
I'm gonna touch this issue... coz frankly it bothers me...well ok, I live in Slovenia and I'll pay for it, but what about all those tourists and transit passengers who are just passing out little country for a day not even for a day... it's seems unfair that they have to pay the same amount as we do for a half a year... and yes, I've heard the arguments for it, coz they just drive by and they don't mind who's paying for the roads and all...but hey..if you just take Austria for example, how the hell do they find the money for all their roads and all, with the amount of travelers they have? and still they manage to have weekly vignettes and all ;)
but ok, that's what we're up against now... at least this way the transit travelers will get to see some parts of our country they haven't seen before just rushing through our little state...maybe that's what those who made only half a year and yearly vignettes had in mind...to show a passer-by little beauties of this little piece of the world... ;)

what have I been doing lately...

this is what comes up when you got too much free time on work...;) my version of postcards... :) I like them, simple, black and white...

I loved you once I needed protection....

JORDIN SPARKS - like a tattoo
No matter what you say about love, I keep coming back for more, My head in the fire,
Sooner or later I get what I'm asking for No matter what you say about life, I learn every time I bleed. The truth is a stranger My soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free to, Admit that I was wrong and then change my mind. Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind.
I can't waste time so give me the moment I realize nothing's broken No need to worry about everything I've done Lived every second like it was my last one. Don't look back got a new direction Loved you once, needed protection. You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo, Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you. I'm sick of playing all of these games It's not about taking ties. When I look in the mirror, Didn't deliver It hurt enough to think that I could stop Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind. Sorry but I gotta be strong and leave you behind I can't waste time so give me the moment I realize nothing's broken No need to worry about everything I've done Lived every second like it was my last one. Don't look back got a new direction Loved you once, needed protection You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo, I'll always have you.
If I live every moment Won't change any moment Still a part of me and you. I will never regret you Still the memory of you Marks everything I do. I can't waste time so give me the moment I realize nothing's broken No need to worry about everything I've done Lived every second like it was my last one Don't look back got a new direction Loved you once, needed protection. You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo. Just like a tattoo I'll always have you.

and big girls don't cry

you could say I'm a bit on my dark side these days... my good friend is somewhere on the other side of the world, my other best friends moved to their boyfriends... and I'm kinda stuck where I am... and all I can think about is how I wish I was there on this road trip with this friend of mine, or how I wish I was out there somewhere with someone who would love me... but than again... it all comes down to your friends and family at the end...and even your friends leave...so I guess ya...you end up alone as you were at the start, all this love and stuff around it it's just an illusion to keep you wrapped up in time... and no, I wouldn't say I'm depressed but sad would we be the right word...maybe...and for one thousandth time more I will use this line - I wish a had a camera inside my head, to film the things I feel, thoughts and pictures and memories...that I could just show to my friends...cause I can't go on explaining how I feel... so here it goes I give up on love... for good. And no, that's not just a line... I don't need to meet anyone else. My life if filled with good people. I miss my friends.

life savers...

cinnamon, vanilla, two toasts and a sunny day... after a hard day at school ;) ;) ;)
gotta admit it's hard to be a student! ;) I don't think I could've made it through the day without my tea...;)
kidding! but still this picture tells it all ;)

wicker park

I guess some people just need more time (ya, me being one of them) to realize some things...to understand some truths (or excuses)... and in all this time I've only been holding on to what we used to have... not wanting to move on...not wanting to face your truths... I saw this confusing movie.. I guess I realized I've been only wanting some truths of my own... you know how sometimes you fall in love with the near idea of love... not even considering the downsides of it all...the hell with the downsides... I don't believe in downsides of love...there are no...but that's another topic... anyhow...I'll stop writing right now, 'cause this will all sound even more confusing as it already is...
(I just opened winamp to listen to some music and the first song playing was this one- ''you don't know what it's like you don't know what it's like to love somebody... if I aint got you..'' To Love Somebody...and than there are no coincidence in life... the hell with it..)

anyhow this below is a song from this movie... Wicker Park and Coldplay- the scientist

Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need ya And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start Running in circles, chasing tails
Coming back as we are Nobody said it was easy Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be so hard I'm going back to the start

work

I need to get a real -from 7am to 3pm- job, so I don't get any stupid ideas about going on some one day getaways on Tuesdays or other working day... ya, I need to grow up...or find myself some other fool like myself to spend a free weekday with...

nervous wreck

ya, that's me... haha ;) kinda... I gotta go to Ljubljana tomorrow...to see this professor about my diploma... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... would kinda fit the state of mind I'm in...;)

before/after

(Before)
I hate that part of growing up that brings changes into your perfect little life... or at least a picture of that perfection...
there was this very dear little garden I loved... and now days it looks like a demolition area... it's that kinda things that make me sad... that was my little getaway from all this gray civilization and now when I go there... all the plants, trees, flowers... everything just makes me sad... well the lack of everything that is..
we had this beautiful big apple tree there... it was amazing... it had 4 or 5 different kinds of apples on it... and now... they've ruined it... my father managed to save it...if you could call it that... and now it looks so sad, poor little tree... it has maybe 5 or 6 branches... and it's all cut down... but still it managed to grew few new branches...
It's sad what awful things man do to nature. And the worse part is that in time we just learn to deal with it, to accept it, we learn to move on. Not to correct, improve, help,...no. That would be too damn complicated... we just move on...leave it all in the past. But past is tricky...it comes to haunt you when you forget about it.
Not every change is a good thing.
(After)

"want to remember everything you'll ever learn?"

I run across this very interesting article about SuperMemo, on lifehacker's blog. It's about a feature called super memo, that helps you 'not to forget'. It's proven to be very helpful in learning a language. So I started reading this wired article you can get here. I'm gonna put some interesting parts from this article, so you can have a brief view on what's it about...but I assure you it's worth reading!
"The problem of forgetting might not torment us so much if we could only convince ourselves that remembering isn't important. Perhaps the things we learn — words, dates, formulas, historical and biographical details — don't really matter. Facts can be looked up. That's what the Internet is for. When it comes to learning, what really matters is how things fit together. We master the stories, the schemas, the frameworks, the paradigms; we rehearse the lingo; we swim in the episteme.
The disadvantage of this comforting notion is that it's false.
"To this day,most people think about forgetting as decay, that memories are like footprints in the sand that gradually fade away. But that has been disproved by a lot of research. The memory appears to be gone because you can't recall it, but we can prove that it's still there. For instance, you can still recognize a 'forgotten' item in a group. Yes, without continued use, things become inaccessible. But they are not gone."
In other words, the harder you have to work to get the right answer, the more the answer is sealed in memory. Precisely those things that seem to signal we're learning well — easy performance on drills, fluency during a lesson, even the subjective feeling that we know something — are misleading when it comes to predicting whether we will remember it in the future. "The most motivated and innovative teachers, to the extent they take current performance as their guide, are going to do the wrong things," Robert Bjork says. "It's almost sinister."

The person responsible for making all this is Piotr Wozniak.
"Wozniak takes an almost physical pleasure in reason. He loves to discuss things with people, to get insight into their personalities, and to give them advice — especially in English. One of his most heartfelt wishes is that the world have one language and one currency so this could all be handled more efficiently. He's appalled that Poland is still not in the Eurozone. He's baffled that Americans do not use the metric system. For two years he kept a diary in Esperanto.
He doesn't own a phone. He ignores his email for months at a time. And though he holds a PhD and has published in academic journals, he never attends conferences or scientific meetings.
Instead, Wozniak has ridden SuperMemo into uncharted regions of self-experimentation. In 1999, he started making a detailed record of his hours of sleep, and now he's working to correlate that data with his daily performance on study repetitions. Psychologists have long believed there's a correlation between sleep and memory, but no mathematical law has been discovered. Wozniak has also invented a way to apply his learning system to his intake of unstructured information from books and articles, winnowing written material down to the type of discrete chunks that can be memorized, and then scheduling them for efficient learning. He selects a short section of what he's reading and copies it into the SuperMemo application, which predicts when he'll want to read it again so it sticks in his mind. He cuts and pastes completely unread material into the system, assigning it a priority. SuperMemo shuffles all his potential knowledge into a queue and presents it to him on a study screen when the time is right. Wozniak can look at a graph of what he's got lined up to learn and adjust the priority rankings if his goals change."

For the end a checklist Wozniak wrote on a question 'how to become a genius';
"You must clarify your goals, gain knowledge through spaced repetition, preserve health, work steadily, minimize stress, refuse interruption, and never resist sleep when tired. This should lead to radically improved intelligence and creativity. The only cost: turning your back on every convention of social life."

Brain

very interesting talk about our brain and what goes on in it... you should check it out!! you get a link for it here and it's been brought to my attention by Sasa

choices

I must say even with some amount of doubt in my decision of going to another college, I have to admit that I meet so many great individuals there that make it all worth awhile... ;) and even stuff like programing, operation system do make sense in a way...but don't think I like everything...some things are still a big WTF to me... but I'm getting there...;) I like the way some of our 'professors' teach... and tell us about stuff we wouldn't even know if they wouldn't be there to tell us... so, yes.. in a way I'm always wondering if my decisions are the right ones...but as I read once in this little book ''there are no wrong choices, every choice you make is the right one in that situation in that time, if there was another -better choice you would have chosen that one! '' something like that...(I'll write down the title of the book, when I remember it!! )
so, I guess when you look at life from this way...we spend most of it-if not all- learning stuff...so why not go and learn and gain knowledge...;) I still can't imagine myself in some office working from 7am - 3pm...and yes I'm getting older... by now I should be in one of those ''labels'' - mom, wife, ...but I guess I'm still to much of a child to be that person society expects me to be at this age...
ow, ya...I've added a new blog under the ones I visit...Luka - it belongs to this 'professor' that's trying to teach us about programing and lot more than that ;)

love visualDNA

click on the title or here
this is my way of looking at things...let's say I agree with it in most of the part...it's an interesting test about you...how you love... and how you feel about love... it does make sense...;)

....

picture

you know how sometimes... well most of the times... everything bad happens at once... and I kinda figured out that Febrary is my worst month... seems like in the past few years every bad thing happening happened in February...
and it's supposed to be a good month- my b-day and all...but I guess sometimes universe doesn't really give a shit what I think...
anyhow I need to learn to listen to myself...I keep forgetting that lately... but it's weird how everything bad that's about to happen I kinda know about it... it comes out as a known fact and not as a surprise... and I hate it sometimes...that everything I think just find it's way to happen...
does this make sense?
and all of my friends are sure my life will work out fine... this one friend wrote me the other day that she knows that my life will be good and that she doesn't worry for me cause I have (she says) this positive energy that wont let me fail...
and I don't know what to think...
I have so much doubt in my mind... I don't even know who I'm supposed to be... and they're all sure I'll be fine...
how can I be fine, when nothing I believe in works in this life... my best friend would probably say I should ''Practice what I preach'' but at the moment... I'm not sure I can preach...
I'm not turning into a negative person or whatsoever... people take too much positive energy away lately... maybe that's the problem... I let others hurt me...
It doesn't hurt when I bleed, but my memories... they eat me

Desiderata

I have first read this in Slovenian language...so I had to do some google search...;) to find this english version of it... I just love it.. and here it is for all of you... it's a text by an unknown author found in Old Saint Paul's Church in Baltimore in 1692.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

unconditional love

ya, I guess I had to learn it the hard way... but it's true... there is no unconditional love... it doesn't exist between a man and a woman - in a relationship... none what so ever... (ok, only in some rare cases...)
I am convinced now... there is love- the kind that gives you something... the kind you can be sure you can gain something from...
and there is no unconditional love in long distance relationships... well, in my case at least... actually no... I believe there is... but no one else does so it's kinda pointless to think that can work...if only one side is ready to do all that it takes...
anyhow... I'm posting a picture of my Bobi- little cactus... in some weird way it's growing... 2...
and yes, I realize this has no sense... just some words put out here... but so does nothing else right now....

patchwork

My first and only so far... I started making it years ago...but never really got to finish it... so today I decided it was about time I finish it... and here it is...my first patchwork... I love it...it's far from perfect...but it's made out of pieces of my favorite clothes -back from when I was a little child...so that makes it even more special for me...anyhow... I LOVE IT.

Saudade

I've heard this beautiful word on TV the other day... and it perfectly describes my feelings for the past (could even say) month....
Saudade (singular) pronounced [sawˈdadɨ] in European Portuguese and [sawˈdadʒi] or [sawˈdadi] in Brazilian Portuguese) is a Galician and Portuguese word for a feeling of longing for something that one is fond of, who is gone, but might return in a distant future. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might really never return.

(picture)

mosaic

I've made this one for a great friend of mine... for her b-day... it was my first ever mosaic... made with pieces of broken cups... but I love how it turned out... I just loved making it!!! :)
anyhow...I've been away for awhile-not writing anything... kinda wrapped up in some strange emotions... I don't know where I stand... but things will work out fine... I hope... they have to...

Postojna

Today, well ok, tonight I'll post some photos of my home town Postojna, I can't help it... despite all that's wrong here I love this little town... I love this place I live in, I love the fact my parents choose this location for my arrival... ;) and I can't help not to enjoy this beautiful nature that's right under our nose... so here it is... my home town... I took these pictures of sunset today...and other just the other day...on my walk ... I can't help it...if I take my camera with me it seems to last for hours before I get home... I guess my way of hiding, escaping, ... kinda even my freedom... anyhow... I have a lot on my mind... lots of thoughts... can't get used to seeing every single emotion in person's eyes...

I hate the world today...

I had in mind of posting the more known Meredith Brooks - Bitch... but I found this one... although I could go for some lines from Meredith's lyrics as well... like:

''I hate the world today You're so good to me I know but I can't change tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried You must have been relieved to see the softer side I can understand how you'd be so confused I don't envy you I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one

...
So take me as I am This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous and I'm going to extremes tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing

...
Just when you think you've got me figured out the season's already changing I think it's cool you do what you do and don't try to save me ''


Starfield - hate the world today

As much as it thrills me I wanna get off this ride For gravity holds me Yet grace calls me to Your side As much as I trust You Though I know that hope will come with time Injustice prevails And truth lags behind

Looking for beauty Searching for sense in all the pain A note of redemption A break in the clouds to stop the rain Can You hear me calling? Have You been listening to my cry? Cause I can't carry on If I don't find out why

I hate the world today But I love this life you have given
I hate the world today But I love you and I need you here

Though stuck in this moment Everything good still comes from you As much as I don't know
I'm trusting that you will carry me through Though thousands are falling Though comfort and peace are beyond reach I'll offer my heart I'll try to believe

It's pulling me to pieces In a fight for my soul These two worlds are waging war The falling of humanity And the truth that although I can't see with my eyes I'm still trying to believe


ow ya...the reason: it doesn't really matter... WORLD...this world... or better some people on this world and this whole package of moral, truth, lies, materialism... as usual... silly I know... but I can't help it...I must have been made for some different world... because some things you might consider meaningless I found so important... and some simple things tend to hurt me so much...

:)

I think all in all I lack a bit more knowledge about everything there is to know about computers and I'll be an official computer geek... I spend most of my day on the internet... it's crazy... learning about Joomla, getting myself books- tutorials on how to build a website... spending too much time on the computer...but I guess the weather is to blame... all this gray, dark, not defined weather makes me stay home, in a warm house and spend (lose) time on my computer... BUT... ;) I'll be smarter than I am... it's pretty amazing hanging around people who know a lot about this... so much to learn!! and yes I have an idea to make myself a homepage, my very own... :) well that's about it... I miss sun, I miss snow...anything that would bring some color into this gray scale ...

2008

so here it is... new year... new choices... new hope... but it's all like it used to be... it's still up to us to make this year better than the last... I had a great time for this new year night... day...days... ;) here are some pic. from it all... I wasn't home but in this quiet little town called Lovran, near Opatija, Croatia... it's the simple things in life... that make it all worth awhile...;) so enjoy and make this new year the best for yourselves...;) I'll sure do my best...