elf yourself

me - as ELF

hahaha...I had to!!! so, friends, readers...HAVE A GREAT HOLLIDAY and lots of laughs...;)

snow :)

I LOVE IT!! Snow... walking on the road... because no one is driving... or those who are, are very slow... so, here are photos of my crazy little cat Macha... I took her out today when it was snowing... she's amazing...that enthusiasm and look of greatness and admiration is just unbelievable... I was just talking about it to a great friend of mine the other day... were we also like this when we first saw snow? ... we must have been...
and some photos from tonight when I was going back home from work... there was this strong wind-so ya, photos are windy...;) and it's cold, like -4 degrees... but I love it!!! I love this feeling... real winter... snow... cold...

art?

yes here it is...some new stuff... I just made today... opinions, criticism welcome! :) apart from that I must say this college is getting ahead of me... everything is going so fast!!! (and confusing at times...but ok) and I'm hungry... waiting for food... :) and busting my head with these database stuff and mysql ... but I'm into this new year mood... although I kinda have a feeling I might run myself out by the time new year comes! :)

tonight..

you know how sometimes you get that feeling ... like every time you do something... it's always wrong... and you get that from the people you love... from the people who mean something - not something- everything! ...to you... I hate that feeling that I'm doing things wrong and everyone else is doing it right... I thought people who love you should stick with you... no matter what... do you really need to be told you're wrong by the people that love you? ...well ok... yes... but this is not the case here... it's like no matter what... they always question my way... like I should be doing it differently...
enough of that... I had a perfect little plan tonight... I get home from work- arround 10pm... go wash my hair - because it needs water badly... and than make myself an egg sandwich... (and yes I am aware of how not healthy or whatever that is... but I don't care) ...
I'll just go enjoy it... ;)

back home...

missing Split already, actually I miss the people there... I miss him... damn... I hate leaving... it would be great if you could go traveling without leaving someone behind... I hate that part of traveling... (ok I also hate the fact I gotta pack my stuff in this always too small backpack...- I'm a backpacker yes...but I always end up with too much stuff...)
anyhow I'm back to this madhouse- you could call my life... I need to get my priorities in order, need to figure out what I want and soon!! because this can't go on like this.... I guess new year could be a good excuse to change some stuff in life :)
ow ya... I just remembered I miss this great - amazing place my boyfriend took me while I was in Split- they just opened it for St. Nicholas day... it's a chocolate shop...they make their own chocolate...delicious!!!! definitely worth a visit and a buy... my favorite store there...beside this amazing interior design store- I forgot the name...they have the most amazing candles there!! and this other place also...it's called HOME SWEET HOME - wow!! :) I love it... I think my boyfriend was not so happy about taking me to the shopping mall after all (sorry love)

anyhow... when I got home it was snowing... they told me it was raining in Split after I left... it's funny but it always rains there when I leave...;) I had a great time there... I love it so much... and I miss you- yes, you... but we'll see each other soon, right? :)

work free

I got myself all wrapped up in 'work' again...trying to write a paper about how to organize your work and time...;) anyhow... all the material I found on the net...amazing...now just gotta get myself to reading books about it all...to get a feel of some theoretical part... ;)
but apart from that I'm enjoying my work free time... I'm in Split, Croatia at the moment having a great time... I can't complain... and the weather is good now... so, what can I say got a few more days to enjoy this peace, no pressure, no obligations... and than I'm back to my usual busy day...;)
But it's interesting how much stuff you learn while looking for some material about this paper-organization of work and time... at the end it all comes back to that- it's all in your head...how you make it to be...;) that's about it ... my brief report... enjoy!

the child in me...

the child in me is gasping for air... ya, I still feel like a child (and I'm not gonna change that, why should I...I'm getting older every year-that's a fact, but still I don't need to be some cranky grown up forgetting how it's like to be a child).... still need my naive way of thinking...still need to play...still need to have fun, to explore things...to admire world for all the great things my childish eyes see... and I hate it... I hate the materialism... I hate the fact it all goes around money... I hate the way I'm not allowed to be a child... the pure one... sometimes I feel just by doing some things like I'm a child doing what grown ups are meant to be doing... and it sucks...I am so naive in my foolish idealistic way of looking at this world... I need to grow up? ... there must be something wrong with me...why can't I just accept the fact that this world is like this... and it wont change...
but still some kinda stupidity, foolishness (ok, now my friend Ivo would tell me-as he always does...that and I quote: ''people with your kinda enthusiasm about life could never be a fool...'') makes you go on...makes you do the changes you feel you need to do... and still at the end you're the one being hurt... I need to breathe... I need my freedom... (I need to travel... to my favorite place on earth... and do nothing...just be...) ... you see some kinda pattern over the past few posts...ya...I've been home for too long... I need a change... but for now I'll just settle with making a cake for my brother...(it's his b-day tomorrow...and yes I believe in cakes for b-days...) and listening to the most depressing songs ever written- that always makes me feel good...

animals at play

I will just point you out to this link... it's amazing... a husky and a wild polar bear playing... check it out here

tired

tired ....big time... I got up today at 6.30am went to work, than got home around one, eat something, went to my other job at 2pm... got home around 8pm... so ya... a bit tired (I better not use some other words... tired seems polite enough..;)) but hey... blame on me... I chose this... maybe it's just a sleepy day... or the fact I didn't go to sleep till midnight or something... which leads me to another conclusion... man, I admire those who get up at dawn... work all day... and take care of the whole family... and barley make it through a month with one paycheck... and they don't moan or say how tired they are...respect...
and than you see some kids who have no respect for money, for anything for that matter... and you see those politicians fooling around with our lives... our money... and still they can't get enough.... what a sad place this world is becoming... wait... I gotta correct myself... what a sad place this world IS...
and ya... it's not all so bad... you still got hope, love, people who make you laugh... and other stuff to make yourself forget about the problems... ;) why bother with something you can't change, right... I may be in my ''toxic'' mood today... (the hell I am)
today I got another job offer, but 3 jobs would be impossible... not with this kinda schedule of mine... anyhow... why I even started writing about this... I was thinking today, to quit it all, and to find some other job... but than again...
me and my complex mind... I can't get myself in some kinda straight line... always gotta look aside... for something better...
ya, that's about it... enough with self-pity! ;)

snow

This is how my little town looks like today... woooohooooo!!! I love it... ideal winter day...;) can't help it ... I LOVE IT!! :)
Ow, and I wanted to get my cat to go out...- mission impossible..;) crazy little thing wont even think about it... so I brought her some snow inside...it was crazy... her first contact with snow...;)

snow, milk, blog, candles

so...I nearly deleted my blog today - don't ask how I managed to do that! I don't even know... I have to get it ... in some kinda black mood... :) this way it's just too cold-well ok, it's winter time...but still...maybe by the time spring comes I'll get it in some proper mood... ;) till than I'm not touching anything anymore...so I don't end up deleting it all...

There's snow again today... I love it... been outside, took some photos, made some movies... I can't help it I love snow... I guess I owe it all to my dog, the one we used to have for 12 years, Yerry... amazing dog...German shepherd... he loved snow!!! so I spent a lot of time outside with him...;)
Damn!! - because... for the second time I've been heating myself milk in microwave... and for the second time I forgot about it and figured it out once it got cold... I think I need some pills - I forget too much!!!

Anyhow.... don't know about you all...but I'm already in that new years, Christmas mood....;) and we even got snow...so...;) I just hope there'll be snow for Christmas as well...
ok, I'll go and make myself that cocoa now... to get a bit warmed up... I guess love doesn't keep me warm enough... ;)

ok, I shouldn't forget... I lighted a candle for the world day of remembrance for road traffic victims. It was initiated by RoadPeace in 1993, and is now being observed by more and more people from all over the world... a Day of Remembrance for Road Accident Victims, will be observed on the third Sunday in November each year. So go light a candle...

photos

Here you can check out some of my photos, from what I do to where I've been...
I'm not so pleased with Flickr... because you can only have 3 sets in which you can include your photos... I guess there should be more- but as usual nothing is free...;) and... I'm missing a feature that would allow you to have a button on your blog or on your page that would point you to your profile on flickr... Do they have that? (and I didn't find it?)
Apart from that I'm not sure how my photos are protected, when you can get any just by clicking on it and save it... but I gotta figure it all out still...
But ...I'm finally happy how I arranged my photos in this 3 limited sets...so take a look...I made some changes...didn't like some of those I had on before...;)
Enjoy...;)

11.11.

I didn't even know about this 'till yesterday... I met with my friend James and his girlfriend (they've been traveling a bit for the past few days and they stopped in Ljubljana as well) they're Australians, but they live in London now for couple of years... and they told me about this- Remembrance day... they have it every year all Australians, a minute of silence on 11.11. at 11 o'clock, no matter where you are at that time you gotta stop and have a minute of silence for this day, when they signed the end of the world war 1.
What all don't we know, or forget about... I think it's great they have this, so they remember this important date. You can read more about if you click here.

Also in Slovenia today is a feast, St.Martin's Day- something more is written about it by our English profesor Sasa and by Andrej, it's about wine!! :) The day when young/new wine is ready to be tasted.

my box

I think you should blame it on the book I'm reading at the time - ''whatever you think, think the opposite'' by Paul Arden ...it's given me more lets say courage to do this... ;) well ok not courage, but... who cares... I wanted to show you this... stuff I JUST LOVE TO DO... because I wanna get some more opinions on what people think of these little boxes of mine... anyhow...here I am...on display...just a part of what I do in my free time, and now it's up to you to state your opinions, thoughts, criticism, whatever comes to your mind...
thanks!

philosophy

I must be insane... with all the work I have I still can't help but wonder about all the little unimportant (well I guess they must be in some way important to my mind...) things... I guess this is a side effect from being so fascinated about how my mind works, how my thoughts work, what does it all mean, why do some things come to my mind, how come I can make some things go the way I want them to, why do some things happen... and than I went to a library and got myself packed with books which got me even more confused about the matter but at the same time it got me thinking... so I guess all in all- a good thing... Here are my biggest
obsessions (kidding...but I love reading something even though I than, sometimes-well most of the times- come to a conclusion I don't agree with them..); Sigmud Freud and Nitzche.
I love reading books that get me thinking about everything... that get me questioning everything... I have a friend who's even more into this than I am and we talk about it, she tells me about some new (new for me) experiments and it's amazing what our mind is capable of, so I definitely believe that it's all just in our heads... you can do so many great things just by having a straight idea in your mind about what you want... that reminds me - you should read this book, DEMIAN - Herman Hesse ... ;)
I know... I start one thing and write about everything else... but it's all connected in a way... that's what happens when you got lots of things on your mind... my friend once said to me that she admires me for being able to handle all those labyrinths in my head ;) (well I took that as a good thing) ...but like everyone sometimes I just love to sit back and not think about anything...but that rarely happens.
So, I just wanted to post a link to this cool thought experiment Mary's room proposed by Frank Jackson.

picture of the labyrinth used on this post

Christianity

Let's make one thing straight from the start, so there wont be any misunderstandings after. I have nothing against any kind of religion, nor am I in favor of one. So this is not meant to insult or offend anyone, these are nearly my thoughts going wild about this issue...
This question's been bugging me for awhile now... well not just this one...but this one is the most interesting... so... what I want to write about here is some aspects of church...actually I wanna post this question...and see what you all think of it... sure it might be a bit naive to ask something like this... because I already know how things go...but hear me out...
so, let's take catholic church and orthodox church... they both belong to Christianity ...so my question is... how come (or correct me if I'm wrong) people- well lets be more specific, a man from orthodox church can't marry a woman from catholic church? Considering the fact that they both believe in the same God, in front of whom they're suposed to get married! It would make sense that people belonging to the same religion - Christianity should be able to get married in front of that same God... no matter what church they belong to... or do we have different Gods in Christianity?

students prayer by Umberto Maturana

I have first learned about this ''students prayer'' from this book I've been reading - Spiritual Intelligence, The Ultimate Inteligence, by Danah Zohar and Ian Marshall, it was in one of the chapters...it says there that Umberto Maturana, the son of a biologist from Chile, became very unhappy in school because his teachers didn't help him learn anything new, they were only limited on learning what they knew and that was the only truth in their heads... and that's why Umberto wrote this ''students prayer''... I've read in this book that this is only a part of it, and on the internet I've found only this little part, so I'm not aware of any longer version...if anyone finds it or knows about it... please tell ;)
so I looked it up on the internet... and I found a few related sites... if you wanna look go to this link and you'll see it somewhere in between the text...
but I'll put it up here as well... read it...;) it's interesting read... if all teachers would have read it and understand it...;)

students prayer

by UMBERTO MATURANA

Don't impose on me what you know I want to explore the unknown
And be the source of my own discoveries Let the known be my liberation, not my slavery.

The world of your truth can be my limitation Your wisdom my negation
Don't instruct me, let's walk together. Let my riches begin where your ends.

Show me so that I can stand on your shoulders.
Reveal yourself so that I can be something different.

You believe that every human being can love and create, I understand,
Than, you fear when I ask you to live acording to your wisdom.

You will not know who I am by listening to yourself
Don't instruct me, let me be.
Your failure is that I be identical to you.

Sugar skulls

we talked about this in our class the other day...about the Dia de Los Muertos... anyhow this is an interesting link how they make sugar skulls for that day...

some interesting blogs

I will just point out some of them... there are so many...but as much time as I spend on computer I still don't have that much time to check it all out... so here are few of them...I like...and they also have some cool links to other blogs...worth seeing...;)

if you're up for a nice, interesting, funny reading about relationships, love, those moments in life... I run across it by accident - this last post today and everyday reminded me of someone very dear to me and I read some older posts as well...don't have time to read it all... someday...
http://jasikasebkarshad.blogspot.com/

than one about my all time favorite theme...photography... as my photography professor used to say - you need to see as many photos as you can, so you can learn about good composition, good light, good photography... and this blog is about photography...so check it out...there are also so many great sites on photography... I've read in some journal I think... or was it blog... - don't remember which one already, this interesting statement by David Byrne: "The eye and brain edit things out, so you only see the things you're interested in. The camera sees what it wants to see, but it's not exactly what the eye wants to see. It's like having another eye that you hold in your hand, but it's an interesting, different kind of eye."
http://photoblog.servatus.com/

and one more about all kinda topics... from increasing prices, to the media, teachers, sex, love... it's fun reading it...and I enjoy it... it's best described with this first line on the top: ''Sexual politics and self indulgence. Same thing, really.'' ...but than again it's more than just that... there are some interesting themes...some cool articles I can relate... if you want to start - perhaps read Dream on, baby or Detach yourself for starters...;)
http://kissnblog.blogspot.com

there are so many blogs out there...mine is giving me a hard time sometimes- the settings and all...but ok... I have one on my myspace site as well...not in English ...well some things are in English... anyhow... Have fun!!

about google blogger

I guess this blogger has a thing against me... I did that pingback/trackback ...well we all did it at the same time today at college... anyhow mine doesn't show...doesn't work... I must have done something with my settings or this blogger doesn't like me.... :(

U2 - Vertigo tour 2005

I can't get U2 out of my mind today... so I'm back home... nothing to do (don't have to go to work today woooohoooo) and I'm here... stuck in a moment...with U2... and with a memory of that concert in Vienna, Austria... my friend, me and another 50000 people all there because of U2... it was one of the best concerts I've been to... great sound...great feeling... and what I loved most about it is that we were so close by... I love the way Austrian people have it all organized... they started letting people in at 3pm I think... and we got there around 6 or 7pm... and we were in the front rows... right next to the stage... it was amazing...it was raining all day...and when we got to the stadium it stopped raining and the sky cleared...and than they came... it was amazing...50000 people singing together... just one of the best feelings in the world...
I put some of the movies I've made on that concert - not really a good quality...but you can hear a sound perfectly... ;)
enjoy... I sure did! :)

long distance relationships - true love or just a fling

me and my ideas... and this came across my mind the other day... no special reason actually just an interesting theme to talk about...how objective am I to even write about it, since I am in one (long distance relationship)... never the less my objectivity is not in question here.. I'm gonna state my opinion...my thoughts, my doubts, my vision of it all...and I hope to gain some comments on the issue...
anyhow...let me start with the first statement - 'true love'... it could be, it can be... it is... :) but at the same moment we have to define what IS true love ...is there a false love? ...that sounds silly... false love...there is no false love...every love is a true one... or is that a real love- is there a difference in true and real love... because the one that's true needs complete and above all honest relationship... so what is than real love... better not go there ... let's just agree that true-real love is the one that requires honesty, trust, great communication, respect... for me true love is the one that makes you have that great feeling about yourself, that everything about your partner, about this relationship makes you urge to be a better person...makes you feel like you're the best thing on this planet hehehe ;)... your partner needs to complete you...not create you... you are already your own person...you don't need a partner to fulfill you, to make you become someone... that's what most people don't get... they feel they need someone else to be perfect... but in fact they need to get to know themselves to have respect and love for themselves first...to have their lives in the kinda order that suits them ...they/we have to be satisfied with ourselves first in order to be able to give our honest feelings to someone else (now that's just my opinion, I could be wrong) ...and only than they/we can start a life with someone else... you can't start a life with someone with the idea he's/she's what you need to be fulfilled...
ok, I apologize for this... kinda got off the track there for awhile...
so than lets define the other - more cruel fact of the matter... now there... if you're a romantic this other part wont even come to your mind... if you're a realist you might consider it...if you're an optimist you'll just deny it...;)... and pessimists would surly believe it's true...
I can't say I'm romantic... sometimes I am... but my kinda romance... not the cheesy one they make us believe is the only right one... realist I am - but in my kinda reality...;) you make your own reality, the one built on the facts that are around you... above all I am an optimist... I believe in good things in life... and try not to worry myself too much with other stuff...but than again... I can't help myself not to question my ideas, my thoughts...my love even...
because you see...in my head there's only one kind of love...the only real- true love the way I see it, is unconditional love... I guess the most difficult to get but it's worth awhile... and once you get it...there's really no point in discussing this, is there... long distance relationships (any kind of relationships) if they are based on that kinda love - than sure it's true love all over... sure people might say...it's easy to love someone (no, actually they would say it's easy to claim you love someone) who's miles away from you, not even knowing what you do or what he does... but it's not easy...
when you love someone that much you miss them a lot even tough you know they're always there for you... and it's not easy because of the distance... because of that lack of touch, kiss, hug...whisper on your ear...because of the lack of that feeling when you wake up in the morning next to that one person you love...for that it's not easy...
but it's worth awhile... it's worth trying...(but you don't even have to try that much, it all just comes along by itself...if you just keep an open mind and an open heart..)... if you have no love what good is all your fortune...
I do this all the time...start a topic and than get lost in all the sideways I come across just thinking about it all...
so let me conclude it with this... I believe long distance relationships can go both ways...true love or just a fling... like every kind of relationship can... so it's not the distance, it's not the crowd, it's not the family, it's not the status...it's what's in your heart... it's what you feel and how you treat yourself and that other person... so it's true love... if you want it to be :)

track of snow

:) ok I'm in love with this...me inside, warm house... and looking out of the window...and it's snowing outside...wiiiiiiii :) it's that dimmed white light...the track of sun...and snow...hehehe amazing...;) so ya...we have our first snow... well a few hours of it anyhow...:)

lack of time

sucks... I got myself so booked I can't see a way out... just for an example... Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays I have college in the morning, I get back home which is about an hour away with a car... I drive there and back everyday... than I go to work- to my first job... where I work for 2 days a week...till 8pm...it's not so bad... and the rest of the days I have my other job-graphics which takes my free mornings on Monday and Friday, the rest of my afternoons, and sometimes Saturdays... in all this I'm also working on my diploma... so in all I have a free Sunday...;)
and I look at all this and it makes me wonder what did I do to myself... but on the other hand this might get me some benefits later on...some more experience...some more knowledge...and no free time...hahaha...I just wonder how long will I keep this up... because knowing myself when I get fed with something or when I feel this isn't working for me I just quit what's not working and move on... but hey...I think I might last till the end of this year...maybe...;)we'll see... and for the first time in my life I have to actually write down what I'm gonna do every day... I had to get myself organized...and worst of all I have to make plans...I hate plans... I don't believe in plans... frustrating...wanna trade?

am I the master of my faith?

Invictus

by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

It's all got me thinking a bit...a lot even... I can't help it...that's how I work... I gotta think about stuff that are happening...or I can't function...;)
I like to believe I am a master of my faith, and a captain of my soul...but am I really? Or is that just some illusion I give myself so life can be bearable.... it's events like the one happened today (Tose Proeski) and all lot of different stuff that makes you wonder...till what point you get to be the master of you faith?
but than again...my unbeaten positive mind doesn't keep me wondering too long... ;)to some point - where I can decide what college I'm gonna go (and it's great I have a choice to choose!), what I'm gonna do...where I'm gonna work... - we are the masters of our faith... I guess at the end all you're left with is your hope and love you got that keeps you going... all other things kinda loose their importance...so yes I can be master of my faith... not all the way...but to some point I can twist it and turn it so it eventually gets on the track I want it to..;)

Tose Proeski

I had some doubts about this blog I'm about to post, but hey...it's my blog. Anyhow not sure many of you heard about Tose Proeski, one of the best Macedonian vocalist ever. He was one year older than me, born on 25.1. 1981 in Prilep... was- because he died in a car accident this morning on his way to Zagreb and he wasn't even driving.
Events like this just keep reminding us how lots of times these kinda things happen, things you have no control of, things that shouldn't have happened... things that makes us remember how fragile our lives are...
I like his songs, he had a great voice and it's just sad he's no longer here.

my first Internet experience

I don't remember exact date...but I think it was in 1997...I'm not sure... it started with my work at this local students club and the fact we had to spend lots of time in our club spaces waiting for some new students to show up...we just started organizing the first ever festival in Postojna...and in between I got hooked on IRC, couldn't get me out of there... I could spend hours talking to people from all over the world... of course I also used e-mail, my first account was on hotmail, than yahoo and now I couldn't live without my gmail! :) first it was very useful because I could keep in touch with my friends from USA which I met on this festival we had organized...and than later when I was in Ljubljana, my first year at college...I started using MSN, got to know some really cool people....and my dear friend from USA Johnny, and I feel in love with all this technology...and how it can get you connected to people from all over....Now I have friends I met through Internet from all over the world and it's amazing how we even get to talk over the phone, I visited couple of them live... had coffee with some... it's great... and I met so many wonderful people on the Internet... different age from different countries with different ideas about life... and I found it great.... :)

my first meme

The Secret To You

Bright Eyes

I just love this video...it always reminds me of a great friend of mine! ;)

about me

My name is Biljana, I come from Postojna. Most of my friends call me Bili. They say it's because of Billie the kid. ;) I love my life, because of the people that surround me. I'm a very positive person, I believe all things in life will eventually happen as we want them to happen, we just gotta wish for it hard enough. There's this saying I just love: '' Be the change you want to see in the world.'' and this one - by which I live most of my days: '' Listen to that little voice in your head that says: 'wouldn't it be interesting if....' and than just do it.''
I love photography and sculpturing, art in general and I try to spend the most of my time outside taking photos, sculpturing or designing and making little boxes. I also love working with children so whenever I have time I have workshops with kids. Also one thing I couldn't live without is music and travelling. If I stay home for more than 3 months I go crazy. ;) I need to be on my way, exploring the world, learning about new cultures, meeting new people.
That's pretty much all about me in a short version.